Those were the exact words i heard from one of my beloved cousins ( a former citizen of Israel) when i said to him Im thinking of making Aaliyah. ... interesting reaction right?
Not so much!
In fact he's completely not alone in the Israeli group in the NYC who say that the US is a g-d send and thank g-d they are all here (but secretly we see them stashing bamba, milky 3, and prigat and counting down the days till they can safely go back see their friends, families, eat their food and hear their language... in the end of the day be in their country... no matter how many times they'll deny it they love and miss Israel and wish they could go back.)
So what did i say in response to this very colorful description of myself ... "Im also going to start about by doing army " .... of course all said with a huge smile and big eyes to match the joy in my heart. The things that came out of his mouth sounded something like 'yalda mefageret' meaning retarded girl...and the biggest disapproving stare Ive ever seen in my life ! But im used to this so i smile along and play with his 2 year old son, this is life these days.
Let me explain. My name is Ilana and if its not understandable yet i want... maybe even need to make aliyah. Unfortunately im stuck now in NYC finishing up a Psychology degree that i started almost two years ago and with a year and a half left i figure what the hell it will give me brownie points in Israel... but aside from that im going crazy. Israel is my home and i want home ..ACHSHAV!!! ... az yallah kadima :)
I grew up in Brooklyn to immigrant parents from the former USSR who after a trip in 89' to Israel ironically refused to move there along with the rest of my extended family. They thought it to desert like ... (coming from Uzbekistan it must have been really hard for them to adjust) . And now twenty years later here is there daughter, fully bred so called "american" (except for the english / slang- im weirdly so not!) wanting more than anything in the world to move to Israel.
I was 16 when i was fully introduced with the little country ... and i can honestly say like a lot of things in Israel for me was love at first sight.
It went something like this :
Ilana : hey, you why are you always on my news!
Israel: im not always on your news, your always watching me .. i think you and me are fate ... motek yallah nu bo elayi we could have something here .....(assuming Israel.. is an ars .. :P )
Israel: im not always on your news, your always watching me .. i think you and me are fate ... motek yallah nu bo elayi we could have something here .....(assuming Israel.. is an ars .. :P )
Now i cant say i was never aware of Israel. When 9/11 occurred i was not to far from the city starring out my 6th grade class window, watching with all the students in the class as the towers fell. Cant say i was all to bright and really understood the situation there .. but later when my father took me away from school and showed me the news i remember till this day the first thought in my head was ...."the world will finally understand Israel" . I'de heard random things about the intifada just before... i was smart enough to put 2 + 2.
However the world wasn't as smart as my 11 year old self and it still isnt. But ive grown and my love has grown with it.
When I turend 14 i met the person who held the key to a new life for me. She just moved ( dragged away by parents hoping to give her a "better future" ) from her only known home, her biggest love and comfort in life .. Israel.. and lets just say she wasn't coping to well with it.. (Back then i can honestly say i never fully understood her longing and suffering, but now after having lived there a bit myself i understand every pang of pain and missing). We met in school as most girls do and had our little bits of fun. I taught her Russian, she slowly taught me about Israel... but not as much as she one day would. She got me into Israeli music which besides herself would become my life time companion.
First music ever heard.. ironically .. Peace in the Middle East by Subliminal .. TACT
I remember sitting in the back of our little yeshiva bus ( i went to yeshiva for 6 months thats how i met her and developed a conscious and perhaps even a soul lol ) next to ripped and broken chairs sharing one old cd player from Israel, one old broken piece of head phones (dreaming about iPod!) and connecting over the music. She told me about Jerusalem and the kotel and i still remember the passion in her voice as she banged her fists agaisnt her hands and said "G-d kill me before we ever give up the kotel! "
I was like a little fish, the bait had been thrown in and i was swimming to be hooked. After I left yeshiva i went back to public school but we kept in touch through emails for the year. Then summer came around, and so did the war in Lebanon in 06'. That's when we really started bonding and that's where i fell in love with my little country called Israel.
Everyday we would sit together and watch the news, read articles call family member and she would tell me stories of her home in Nazareth Illit. If 16 year old American girls fell in love with surfer dudes and Eminem (or who ever was around then... 50 cent im guessing ) I fell in love with a country and my love hasn't ended.
Fast forward two years later I'm 18 now graduating highschool and fully crazy about Israel. My dad hands me the surprise of my life and tell me ... I ...me ... gets to go with him on a business trip to Israel.. my Israel.
I was speechless and anxious, i couldn't wait for the summer to end so i could feel the land under my feet breathe the air ( and every Zionist cliche ensues here :) )
To begin a whole tale about everything and anything about my first time in Israel is to write a book. But a few key things need to be mentioned:
1. coming to Israel the first time i experienced something i had never before.. happiness... pure giddy school girl lovey dovey happiness. i felt the minute i stepped foot into ben gurion that i was on the way to meet my lover (technically i was but i didn't know it yet :O )
2. every Zionist can identify with those moments where all your doing is walking around and taking pictures of every flag you see. And since its Israel in august which mean most people haven't taken down their Yom Hatzmaout flags down yet so there is an abundance of them. I took a picture of every flag i could find. and i know im not alone in doing this. all my Zionist friends who visit the first time are overcome with this need to take a picture of every flag possible. I think its because we finally see with our eyes after the time we spent dreaming defending publicly virtually for some of us that we have a land .
THE JEWISH PEOPLE HAVE A LAND! AND THE FLAG HAS A STAR OF DAVID ON IT.
Till this day seeing the flag in any form of being in natural background... next to trees, flowers, gardens, in the middle of roads makes my heart goes crazy and my knees week. This is probably one of the best feelings in the world that i have. ( Going through my old photo's i know see that i also had an obssession with taking pictures of traffic signs... i guess seeing the names of all the cities applies to the same concept.
3. I met the future love of my life there without knowing it ... ( but of course... or nu barur motek... dees is izzrael and de izraeli men dey are hot! ) Yes they are :). He was a childhood... infancy.. friend of mine.. we played together back in the old country (Uzbekistan... lol ) but then he left for Israel and me the US and we never spoke again. we heard stories about our childhood love but never really reached out to each other throughout the net ( facebook or etc... ) . But in Israel, the families and friends got together... and well.. what can i say my second love at first sight! you know that thing people blab on about when a significant person enters the room something changes ... I'm not going to be all gooey and say my heart stopped music played doves sang ...but the atmosphere changed and i felt different. Could it be the old story of two souls finding each other... possibly... or maybe two fanatic Zionist souls who were partisans or Etzel fighters in another life reuniting ... who knows that's up for fate to decide ..all i know is there and then i found my new best friend and my love. Who coincidentally is just as crazy about Israel as i am.... which is awesome... I realized a while back i couldn't have a partner that wasn't politically affiliated as I was.... I'm to obsessed to date otherwise....the shoe fit perfectly.
That's when you can officially say i was hooked hooked hooked like a good druggie ... and lets just make a note for now my choice of drugs is expensive... you'd think airlines would give discounts to ..Jews... Zionists... fanatics lol people who just want to be in Israel over and over like me until they can finally move. for now my little drug costs me over $1,000 something dollars just ticket :) but hey its all worth it in the end.
After my little 2 week stint in summer of 08' i started going into withdrawal and needed to go back again! So i did what every college student in the US does... apply for birthright. I was supposed to go January of 09' but Operation Cast Lead started and mommy dearest sheli had her little Jewish nerves in a twist and cried and screamed her way out of getting me to go.. Honestly i can say that it was the most heart wrenching thing i ever had to do and never again will i deny myself in this way ... never again. When i read the newspaper i would cry because i felt like a traitor for not going. I was never scared of going in fact i wanted to go more to show my solidarity and show everything i believe in... but even this Zionist has a heart for something else beside my searching eyes for Jerusalem. I felt bad for my mother... but in the end things... life and fate which i believe in tremendously have there own design
..I truly believe everything that happens in life happens for a reason and that i wasn't meant to go in Jan 09' ... i was meant to go in June 09' ...why .. mainly because thats when childhood love/ best friend / facebook year pen pal and i became boyfriend and i ... in what i can only describe as Galilee Love Story that a movie should be made about. Two young souls reconnecting in the Hills of the Golan ... pretty original don't you think? :P Maybe Ill write about it one day.
June 09' was also when i finally decided that I would build my life in Israel. Before the love story, before i saw my boyfriend ... (Eli so he has a name ) I was on the birthright group, rediscovering my roots, my love, my connections (sometimes my alcohol tolerance ) and most of all myself. Before i was on the trip i can honestly say i was still a kid with no direction in life,. They had been telling us for years already.. you need goals ... and work towards them. But i had none .. yes i did well in school and applied to a good college got in , did really well my first year but honestly to say i didn't know what i wanted. But my trip changed all that.
I remember the few several times where i knew... i knew Israel was where i belonged.
On my first night in Haifa i stayed awake all night with a friend talking... about everything .. about life . And we watched the sun rise. We sat on the small dirty balcony of a cheap hotel birthright had put us in and observed as the morning went on. how everything came to life around us. And as the sun came up it shone on the flag pole that stood across from our balcony. Never in my life have i seen such a beautiful, moving and inspiring sight. As the flag blew back and forth and the sun reflected its orange and yellow colors, i felt the cords in my heart stir ... (somewhere in the back of my mind i stood to attention and hummed the Hatikvah ) ... it was a pure transcending moment that can only be described as one of its own. It was not man made or brought on... or motivated by some false beliefs. It came from the soul it came from a place of finally understanding what and who i was and what i really loved in the world.
the second time was weeks later on a quiet Shabbat Night lost in the middle of the old city coming back from the 1st meal at a religious home. I was lost ... and happy with it. It was dark and the streets had their own life to them. There was not a sound except that of a city resting . The city breathed on its own. I roamed the dark cobble stone streets in pure serenity, observing the houses and reflecting on everything i had seen and all i had learned . a simple thought surfaced one that would change my life forever. my mind said to me ..." you will raise your children here". It was as if in a way g-d had spoken to me, it felt calm and strong and from within me but not from my mind. I just knew... Something to know about me.. when a decisions like this comes.. prophecy form or not... i go for it and fight till my last breathe ... I'm a fighter and always will be.
that night i spoke to Eli... he asked me how i was liking his country ... i said " I love my country this will be my home"
I had finally found a home. Honestly I can say i never felt at home or belonging in the US but now i felt at home my soul was a peace... and as it always is when I'm in my country around my people and my language.
fast forward half a year later.... a crazy half a year later of studying and working full time to make enough money to spend 8 months in Israel. I don't think Ive even been that tired in my life... but like i said ...I'm a fighter.
10pm in the night ... delayed in Cyprus for 2 hours because somehow the one day I decided to fly in it was raining in Tel Aviv so bad that the plane coundn't land.... seriously g-d ... it was the most funniest thing i ever saw. Suffering through half a year of torture both Israel and Eli on the other side of the world from me .... working like a beast... g-d made me wait two extra hours before sweet salvation finally came. and in a way I loved him more for it.
It was all worth it i stepped of the plane and into the joint arms of all my loves and was swept away to happiness and bliss for the next 8 months.. living breathing walking eating seeing Israel Israel Israel Israel. Life was ....Mushlam perfect.
But all good things end. I came only to study for spring semester and before fall semester started I had to go back but this time i left with more pain and stronger determination that i would come back and live out my life in Israel . Give my entire self to my country because its all i can see myself doing.
So now I'm in NYC its been a month since Ive been back and that's were your catching up with me. We'll be dealing with the next 3 months before i can go and shoot up a good amount of Israel in January for winter break but for now its us and the big city,
I'm writing this because i know there are many like me out there who have a love and are either scared or put down or don't have the courage to do what they love. This is a safe zone where we can share thoughts, love stories, experiences and plans... help all of us in waiting. It for everyone who loves Israel and just wants to be a part of the community. I look forward to making friends here and especially meeting you all in Israel. Ide love to hear everything you all have to say . don't be shy!!
So to end this first post properly "if I forget you, ...Jerusalem, if I forget you, ...Let my right hand forget whatit's supposed to do "
SHALOM HAVERIM SHALOM.
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